Sorry Mom

This is a sincere apology to my mother. And I think many other girls my age will be able to relate and then apologize to their own mother.

Mom, I am you.

I notice in moments when someone is being a "me" that I have become more and more like my mother. In those moments I think to myself, wow is this how I was when I was arguing with my mom? It's so frustrating!

The answer is always yes. And wow is it irritating.

I like to think that I am always right. It's a genetic mutation all females possess, I believe. But when I am genuinely right, and someone is arguing with me to the point of me just giving up and letting them make their own mistake, I am on the verge of homicidal. Why won't they just listen to me?! They are going to regret this later. They are making a mistake and if they just trust that I have their best interest in mind, that mistake won't even happen.

Argument ensues. I give up from constantly fighting the same battle. They make mistake. Tell me I was right all along and they should have listened. I proceed to add that to the list of reasons I need to apologize to my mom. Because I was ALWAYS like that. She must have been so frustrated dealing with my teenage  drama. Only one person was right all the years I was growing up and it wasn't me.

Mom, you were right.

Now I am growing into an adult (pre-adult). I am learning to care for people in my life more deeply than I ever could as a child. When I see that they are going to make a mistake I fight so hard to help them before they do. Just like my mom did for me since the day I started making mistakes. And back then I fought back. (Okay I still do) I am stubborn and always have been. I am determined to be right and make my own decisions. I can only imagine the agony I have caused my poor sweet mother all the times I refused to give in.  I feel that agony when someone won't give in to me. It rips me apart and crushes my soul (I'm still pretty dramatic) because I know it's just karma, giving me the same shit I gave my mom all those years.

No offense to any mom out there, but us offspring generally make it our life goal to be nothing like our parents. I won't ground my kids, I won't give them curfews, I won't make them go to school on days they really don't want to. 

At age 23 I look back on my 16-year-old, probably grounded, self and just laugh. My mom was on her A-game when she was raising my sister and I. As the oldest, I'm even taking on the mother hen role already, advising my sister on how to get to age 23 without making any of the same mistakes I made. Although I do many things in life my own way, I notice when I'm telling my sister to never ditch class, or asking my roommates to please close the shower curtain (lol mom I know that's your fav) that  I have become a version of my mom without even trying.

I'm okay with it.

My mom has always put me before herself. She has always put me before anything. And all the times I put someone else before myself, I think of my mom and how inspiring she is. How I'm so grateful that I have become so similar to her. That she taught me to be a good person no matter what. Our house rule was "be nice." I used to roll my eyes when she said "what's the only rule?" because it seemed so simple, silly even. But being nice isn't always easy.

So mom, I'm sorry for being stubborn and not listening to you. I'm sorry I thought I was right when I, very clearly, was not right at all. I'm sorry for arguing.

I am you. And the "Tatums" that come into my life remind me often that I am you. Those "Tatums" are a pain in my ass sometimes. But they are usually people I love too much. They remind me to tell you once in a while that I'm sorry for being a typical teenager and that I love you no matter what.


xo,  pre-adult mom-like Tatum