Anyone who moves to a new place experiences change. Anyone who grew up in the same place most of their life and then moves to a new place (me) likely has a pretty difficult time adjusting to those changes.
For me, the changes I experienced and underwent were for the better. Living in Hawaii gave me a whole new outlook on life, myself, my beliefs and values, the earth, the island, everything. The best thing for me, though was the changes I made as a person; for myself and my self-esteem.
Inspirational, wonderful, beautiful, mushy post. Woof!
No. (Okay it's a little mushy)
Get ready to get offended, people I grew up with. I love you all. Just remember that.
(And this doesn't apply to the entire state of Arizona so everyone relax while I generalize)
When I was growing up I didn't consider myself stuck up. I didn't think I was up tight. I thought I was pretty laid back and carefree. And I was, to some extent. But present me vs. past me are two completely different people.
Back home in Arizona, I wouldn't be caught dead outside of my house without makeup on. I rarely went out in my pajamas. My hair was always neatly straightened or curled. It was rare I even wore a ponytail. (Okay I dressed pretty weird sometimes. I was a dancer. Other dancers understand).
Just kidding, this was 80's Day for spirit week.
This was a typical day going to dance. Layers!!! Love 'em, miss 'em.
Anyway! Even if I was going swimming or to a water park, you better believe I was caking on the waterproof mascara. My eyelashes are outrageous, why did I need that?
When I moved to Hawaii, same rules applied. I did the only thing I knew how to do. Get ready, put makeup on, do my hair, leave the house. Going to the beach? Waterproof mascara. (Mix that with salt water and let me know how your eyeballs feel) Just woke up? Hungry? Shower and get ready, endure the pain of hunger until I'm spruced up.
I was so worried about what everyone thought of me. I was the exact opposite of laid back and carefree. I blame Arizona. I blame Mountain Ridge High School. I blame cheerleading. But hey, I'll take some of the blame.
I don't know when I changed. I don't know when I finally let my hair down (figuratively and I suppose literally). I don't know when I stopped caring.
Stopped may be the wrong word. I definitely still care what others think of me to some degree. Don't we all? But I know I look around this island and see so many people in their pajamas. It's harder to spot a girl with makeup than a girl without it. So I joined the party.
(hehe)
At a club in Scottsdale, Az, 99% of the girls are wearing tight dresses, high heels, and a full (and I mean full) face of makeup. There are times I go to a club here in Hawaii in jeans and slippers (that's flip flops for those back home). I'll dance battle any girl that's wearing high heels. Blow me away by batting your fake eyelashes. I can shuffle better than you in my chucks.
My best friend and I show up matching when we go clubbing on Mondays.
We make it "theme night".
We make it "theme night".
This was "we are 5 years old" night.
This was "World Cup" night.
Below we have "we have basically the same shirt so let's wear it" night.
#mondayfunday
We think we are hilarious. And granted there are still tons of girls here who get all done up to go out. We still wear the occasional dress and heels if we are feeling frisky. I didn't give up all aspects of being a girly girl. But I relaxed a lot.
One million percent of the time now, if I wake up and I'm hungry, I find some pants (likely some that are one the floor) (even more likely they were the ones I wore yesterday) and walk out the door. I've sat at a bar wearing a little boy's ninja turtles shirt drinking a bloody mary. I'll go anywhere without makeup on. And I don't even think it's fully because I don't care, but because when I do that, I fit in.
Back home, I had to do my hair and makeup and all those things in order to fit in. It's the norm. Humans follow norms. In Hawaii, it's the norm to wear slippers every day and cruise around with no makeup on. Regardless of which is normal. Regardless of the fact that I feel I fit in here. Fitting in, in a place like this that truly is carefree, feels so much better than fitting in where I have to make sure I look my best everywhere I go.
My self-esteem covers a lot more ground now that I can feel confident with or without mascara. I'm happier now, not worrying so much about who is staring or who is judging me based on my appearance.
I have to give a shout out to my first friend in Hawaii, Chelsea. Although we aren't friends anymore, she helped me to understand the chill aloha vibe of the islands. She's a local girl who had the privilege of growing up in Hawaii for her entire life. She taught me that there's so much more to life than getting ready every day. There are adventures to be had, beaches to be played at, sunshine to be soaked up.
Don't get me wrong, I love Arizona. I'll never be upset about where I grew up. I am who I am today because of the places I've lived and the people I know. I appreciate the snootiness of my hometown because it makes me appreciate the carefreeness of my current town more.
And one more thing.
I'd like to point out my previously mentioned best friend, Jen. She grew up in Japan basically her entire life. (Cool, I know) She moved to the states straight out of high school and attended college in Washington. Now she is here in Hawaii. One culture to another and to another. (Props, Jen. That's not easy.) She speaks two languages fluently. Living in Hawaii she uses both frequently. I've heard her switch from English to Japanese in one sentence! (That never stops being cool to me) She's lived in the constant rain and the freezing snow, as well as the warm tropical sunshine. That's someone to look up to. I admire her so much for being so cultured and being the person she is. She teaches me so much about Japan, the culture, and even some of the language (I try but its hard) Daijobu. But also she teaches me how to live life to the fullest here on Oahu.
Where you come from, where you've been, and where you go will continue to shape who you are and who you become. I'm so happy to have found a place that is so accepting. (Ironic because there is still some racism and prejudice here).
I wish everyone could have the chance to experience life in Hawaii. That's why I've had such a hard time deciding whether or not to stay here when I graduate college in May. (I'm staying). This is my home now and I can't imagine leaving. I love myself more now than I ever have.
I mean, who would give this up?
xo, Tatum
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