So We Just Write Down Our Feelings?

Read it, don't read it. I'm doing this for me.

I had to create a blog for one of my classes in order to finish up a group project. LOVE THOSE. So while I wait for it to be finalized by my group members, I decided to give this blogging thing a whirl. There's no saying if I'll ever do this again, or if this one will be any good. But my head and my heart are overflowing with feelings this week and writing them all out seems like a good outlet for others. Here's to giving it the ol' college try.

I recently read an article about being 23 and it hasn't really left my mind since. It was all about the pressure of growing up and college ending and how us 23 year olds should just relax and enjoy being young and dumb and carefree. What's the rush? Well, since being 23 I have experienced more feelings and emotions about life than I have since I hit puberty.

For those that don't know my birthday, I turned 23 in October. What is it? December 2nd? Yeah, that's a lot of emotion packed into a short amount of time. And I don't do well with emotions. I run from them at every possible chance.

I had a melt down the weekend before this semester of school started. I called my mom at 2am (Arizona time, sorry mom) crying hysterically over my first day of my last year of college. Let me just tell ya, shit got real. (Sorry again mom). If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me what I'm going to do when I graduate, am I going to move home, am I going to stay in Hawaii, what kind of job do I want?....I could quit my job. Then I could pay off all my student loans with the dollars I made from saying "I DON'T KNOW."

Because I don't.

The thought of figuring out "the next step" overwhelms me on a daily basis. I'm consumed by the feeling of being lost come May 2015. But the wonderful thing that happened when I turned 23, is that I decided to just stop worrying. I didn't get inspired by an article about being 23. I didn't get inspired by some random words of wisdom. I reminded myself one day that I have SO MUCH life ahead of me, why rush into that life when I am enjoying my life so much the way it is right now?

I cut off all my hair. 13 inches! Aka my security blanket. (Yes, I cried. And yes, I love it). I worked super hard and made a lot of money and used it to surprise my best friend with a plane ticket to visit me in Hawaii. I saw Tegan and Sara, one of my favorite bands, walk past me and I didn't say hi or ask for a photo (My one life regret. Still mad at myself for that). I fell in love.  Even though it was only for a short time, man it felt good. I experienced loss. And it really sucks. It's hard to mend a broken heart.

But hey, 23 isn't so bad. I have so much to look forward to before I even come close to 24. I'm graduating college. Does that make anyone else feel incredibly strange? (Mom, where you at?) I have plans to travel the world with my best friend. I'm going to go to the beach WHENEVER I WANT. I'm going to be tan all year round and not just when school is not in session. I'm going to do whatever I want. I'm going to cry when I want. Sleep when I want. Work a bunch and save money. I won't go on a diet ever and I won't let the fear of the future keep me from living life. (Who doesn't love a good cliché?)

I like 23. I'm happy. (Actually this week I'm pretty sad. Break ups suck). But in general. I'm happy. And it blows my mind the relief I just got from writing this feelings stuff down.

Cheers to be young and weird.

xo, 23-year-old Tatum